Happiness Week 4: Control vs Personal Responsibility

This fourth post in my series on happiness sums up week 4 of the study course I am following on http://www.coursera.org called A Life of Happiness and Fulfillment:  https://www.coursera.org/learn/happiness
To see all the posts in this series go to http://lublenok.blogspot.com/search/label/ALHF

Week 4 of the course starts with the discussion of the topic of control seeking.

On the one hand, it turns out that people having control over one's life is a very important determinant of psychological and physical health and happiness!

Those with a greater desire for control:

1. Tend to aim higher in life
2. Tend to achieve more

On the other hand, we can't control everything all the time. 

Why being overly controlling of other people, lowers our happiness:

1. Others don't like to be controlled by us. It makes them unhappy, which lowers our own happiness.
2. It results in anger, frustration and disappointment when others don't behave the way we want them to
3. Decision-making suffers

Why being overly controlling of outcomes, lowers our happiness:

1. You are more likely to be frustrated when things don't turn out like you want them to
2. The quality of your decisions is likely to suffer: superstitions, risk-taking
3. If we obsess about outcomes, we are likely to sacrifice our health and our relationships

Antidote habit: Taking Personal Responsibility for your Happiness

It's about regulating our emotions and taking control of our feelings

Because our thoughts influence our feelings, we can regulate our feelings by controlling our thoughts

Anger is often preceded by thoughts that something is blocking us from achieving what we want

Sadness is often preceded by thoughts that something valuable is missing or lost

Anxiety is often preceded by thoughts or being uncertain or out of control

Pride is triggered when you attribute success to your actions or skills

Gratitude is triggered when you attribute success to somebody else's actions or luck

The higher the ability for internal control the lower the need for external control

Simple Emotion Regulation Strategies

1. Situation Selection
2. Labeling your emotions
3. Attention deployment
4. Cognitive reappraisal

Uncertainty and lack of control are important for enjoying life!

Leading a healthier life style:

1. Eat right
2. Move more
3. Sleep well

Remember self-compassion and common humanity