In this series of blogs I'll be exploring the book Parenting for Everyone written by the Soviet-Russian-Jewish philosopher, educator and journalist Simon Soloveychik.
Soloveychik was a truly remarkable figure and deserves close examination by anyone interested in parenting and education of children as free individuals. I recently read his Last Book (in Russian), and I was greatly impressed by the depth of his insights and his sharp, penetrating thinking.
When starting with Parenting for Everyone, I decided not just to read through the book (as I usually do), but to give it more thought and attention, in order to better understand its ideas. This blog series will serve exactly this purpose for me, and I'll be happy if other people will also find it helpful. By the way, I am reading the book in Russian on this website.
Soloveychik starts off by defining pedagogy (педагогика) as the science of the art of child rearing / parenting. He writes:
We all have to educate each other, because we don't know how to educate small children.The art of parenting is as old as the mankind itself. The ancients considered it to be a very difficult task, the art of arts. As any art it is easier to learn than to understand. Education of children starts with the education of their parents.
There are three ingredients involved in parenting: parents, children and their relationship. These are respectively the subjects of the three parts of this book.
This book examines parenting of ordinary children, and not of the so called "difficult" kids.
The question is: Why under similar circumstance, children in some families develop well and in others poorly.
The science of parenting does not prescribe how to live or how to be, it does not even prescribe recipes for parenting. It just examines which circumstances are conducive to children's well-being and which are not. This is also the major topic of this book.
What do we want from children? Joy! What is needed so that the children keep bringing us joy in 5, 10, 15 years?
We have two mental images of our child: the image of an Ideal Child and that of an Ideal Adult. The former image is of a child which is easy to control, the latter is of an independent person. These two images contradict each other, and this is the primary reason of our disappointments in our children. By making children conform to one of these images, they are unable to conform to the other. So first we need to take care of this image of an Ideal Child, so that it naturally flows into the image of an adult.
Being imperfect ourselves, we cannot bring up perfect children.
So let's start by defining the image of an adult that we want our child to grow into.
image important- no one understands,parents deceased,find no fault with them;yet having incredible difficultys with siblings after parents gone;not an advantage,siblings got support,me in quest to be artist independent since age 17. financial times are very crazy;do not match enthusiasm of young life. truly 35/40 years my brother was supported by family. me 17/40 years comparison. extra 18 years have certainly hurled him beyond strange financial times reap totally no problem. My sister moved in with us when i was 8 for 6 months when going through divorce. It was easy enough for her say "not possible eat in restaurants everyday with 2 small children,live small quarters children sleeping on 2 chairs for bed." i do not resent did love extra company;was only time my brother was away 5/40 years on own,since sister score years older can't say WHAT support she got before born;sister did get 6 months when needed;for me have to bend over backwards,not allowed be impromptu;example want see channel 13 special;when only other way see is submit to torment;since believe that to be an artist is joy another inflicting upon me terrible degradation;this environment of disrespect at art- cruel. wish to see special documentary not bad wish,about achievements peace. still can't ever suggest to sibling "is so close to xmas could bring presents too". otherwords joy,good intentions,naturalism not allowed,even to pay respects to cousin died thrawted. they will not allow me any help to alleve any problem or exercise family duty;independent initiatives not allowed either-- my own expense,though they are doing grand in material world won't make any effort towards me;no 2-way street-- hard family feelings. my dad/mom died and world as knew with them,can't even recognize behaviour remote;when create ingenious solutions transportation authority can't invent--reject;what is problem? no apprecation. at least shows really sincere,reckon good deeds not allowed. i will have to learn not be abused. only thing bothers me educated like author said about parenting being education by others,and mentor helped me get new image;loss left image with siblings they will not allow me restore glory. however a remarkable achievment still needed by me needful times. it had purpose as quintessence tools of trade. we need forge an image yet sibling says no. then everyone tells me what to do all time as if not allowing free will anymore. i can't even have my yearbook;can't see anything to harp high school public education should not be forbidden memory. high school good cause promising in realm of mentorship introducing me to student guidance counselor. suppose makes virginity forbidden along with not allowed to look at own faces from highschool. no respect;as if losing respect for work,worship image. not good,they try to convince you you really don't need image. it's about development needs vs. constant control vs. trying to explain differences success with mentor,alas parents-+ mentors gone. Then came idea why mentorships work-- is,mentor has same goal. wow,is so incredible. Mentor wants image for you. A sibling may only want what they want,it could be for wrong reason;so their only goal is to make everything that is important to you not be. However my need for celebration,anniversary events will stop making life confusing;cherished by my generation. Sibling marriage annniversarys important,try talk even for 3 minutes on phone rush off as if life would be ruined if 1 minute given to other person. yet when wait as much as 40 years for things they have withdrawn when after decades the decades themselves prounounce must still happen,is not too fair,patiently 25,30 40 years disregard. It's as if they say it's o.k. wait 104 years got no time for anyone's attempt to restore life. have not been able to adopt. well at least when in twenties was correspondent parent. yes god said man is made in image of god;so image must be important-- though many try say don't worry about it and don't realize how greivous to deny another human being their image.
ReplyDeletedid get see channel 13 postdate event on internet;however was crucial decision did not receive answer of that possibility prior to event;so not predictable beyond a shadow would have opportunity well if you miss an event it oft means you won't have rechance,that is life;it is chances we take;which can make things go leaving no choice. is that definition of tyranny? +..not solve helpless. maybe next time-- can post call for help on internet--
ReplyDeleteit was nice least something nice like this could happen afterward in computer age made possible.